![]() Often, before others can hear constructive criticism, they need to know their situation isn’t hopeless, that they’ve been doing something - anything - right. Though Jesus will move on to tell the church what they need to correct, he takes a moment to commend them for what they have done well. “Finding the praiseworthy in a situation can be key for both building confidence and bringing hope.” I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. Jesus does this with the church of Ephesus when he says, Yet finding the praiseworthy in a situation can be key for both building confidence and bringing hope. Commendation also requires genuinely knowing the person in front of us in order that our words don’t come across as mere platitudes. Often, we need to hunt through the muck and mire of obvious sin to find a small gem of Christlike behavior. Quite honestly, commendation can be the most difficult of the elements with which to become competent. By commendation, I mean finding thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are in accord with scriptural wisdom and giving them attention. The first component of this framework is commendation. In other words, when we become slaves to our own comfort or pride rather than servants of Christ, our counseling becomes inefficient and stale. It’s often when we as counselors become formulaic (relying too much on a specific method), or we try too hard to force one particular element (because we trust our own evaluation), that we find ourselves stuck. Why the variability? Because the particulars of the situations vary. As many commentators have noted, two of the seven letters lack any words designed to convict (Smyrna and Philadelphia), and yet with other churches (Sardis and Laodicea), Christ leans hard on convicting language and nearly eliminates commendation. That sort of flexibility is exactly what we see in Christ’s counsel to the churches. These four elements are not so much a pattern or a formula as a multifaceted perspective by which to view the counseling task. Each conversation may have a different combination of these four elements - or may, in fact, focus on only one or two of the four. Though I will present these components in an order - the order that occurs in my own counseling most frequently - there’s no strict progression. Before I explain each below, first let me give a caveat: this is not a formula for counseling. The four elements of this framework are commendation, comfort, conviction, and challenge. ![]() We see this framework in Christ’s own counseling - specifically as he counsels the churches in Revelation 2–3. ![]() Let me offer a fourfold framework by which we can both listen and respond to others with Christlike wisdom. What do we do when we can’t seem to break through? And I’m not just talking about professional counselors either, but anyone who tries to counsel others, whether at home, at church, in the workplace, or elsewhere. Other times, I know exactly what I want to say, but the person to whom I’m speaking doesn’t seem able to listen. ![]() As one who consistently responds to other peoples’ suffering and sin, sometimes I find myself at a loss for what to say. ![]()
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